Abortion’s Anniversary Reminders

On the day my aborted child would have been due to be born, I found myself crying all night. The next morning my eyes were swollen shut. As I applied a hot washcloth the next morning, I began to believe I was losing my mind due to some unknown reason.

After my abortion, the third week in March was always a bad week for me. Without knowing about Abortion PTSD symptoms, I could not connect those difficult days to my abortion.

I never thought my tears that day had anything to do with my abortion. I wouldn’t let myself even consider that possibility as I was working to distance myself from that memory. I chalked my tears to general depression and denied that my abortion could be the source of any deep pain in my heart!

That weeping moment was recollected when I first read the symptoms of Abortion PTSD relating to “anniversary pain.” My mind immediately connected my baby’s due date to that initial crying session. God broke down my denial in that moment, helping me understand that I wasn’t going crazy back then. There was a very good reason for my emotional reaction! That understanding brought peace.

Anniversary pain can be focused on the date of the abortion or the due date of the aborted child. When these dates resurface, unknown sorrow can occur. There is deep relief when the post-abortive person understands the source of their ongoing pain. If you know the reason for your pain, you can work to heal it.

Some describe anniversary pain as “haunting.” The “presence” of a lost child may be on the edge of a person’s conscience, like any other family member who has passed away. Many are paralyzed with distress in these moments and miss experiencing all that God has to offer their heart when we turn to Him for help.

When understanding that a child was lost through during abortion, the anguish of a past abortion may arguably be the worst form of self-torture existing in the world.  It represents one of the few forms of “true guilt” because we have actually taken a life.

In my conversations with thousands of post-abortive people, a typical comment is, “How can I even consider looking at this pain?” Interestingly enough, most face this pain every day. They just do not realize the abortion connection to this commonly denied agony.

Once someone understand that they lost a family member in aborting, milestone marks that would have occurred in the aborted child’s life can also bring agony. If the woman has living children, even their son or daughter’s smile and loving words can remind her of her missing one in heaven. Sorrow can be stirred in simply meeting an individual who is the same age as the woman’s aborted child.

The world is full of “abortion reminders” as the years pass. With each memory, and every tear shed, God drew me closer to His grace and mercy, helping me cope with the ongoing grief. He never left my heart even though I worked to forget Him.

God’s love and peace are available to everyone, regardless of our choices. Hebrews 8:11-13 shares this truth – No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’ because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

In your journal, describe any experience you have had with anniversary reminders of your abortion experience. Write down the significant dates of your abortion experience. These could include, but aren’t limited to:

Date of your child’s conception

Date of the abortion

Your aborted child’s due date

Mark these dates on a calendar so that when they arrive you will understand any emotional reactions you may experience are related to your abortion choice. If pain arrives, take time to grieve your child and spend time in God’s word for comfort.