Forgiving Others

“I never would have aborted had my boyfriend not bullied me into it, Sydna,” the recently post-abortive woman outlined in an e-mail message. “My anger against him is consuming me.”

Women do not get pregnant by themselves. Rarely do they end up in abortion clinics without being impacted by the opinion of others. Whether through direct or indirect involvement, abortion enablers are those who encourage, bully, intimidate, coerce or assist women in choosing abortion.  

Abortion enablers may also be individuals who didn’t know about your abortion but indirectly made you feel it was a good decision. My mother never knew I was pregnant but had been very clear during my upbringing that if I ever found myself un-wed and pregnant, she would reject me. So indirectly her perspective on unwed pregnancy was clear.

While I doubt my mother would have ever forced me to abort, she likely would have sent me away during my pregnancy to protect herself from scandal. I would have ended up in a maternity home. Likely she would have insisted I place my baby for adoption if I wanted to be included in her life.

While I had entered that abortion clinic of my own free will and have taken responsibility for this choice, I was deeply conflicted then. For weeks my boyfriend had encouraged, argued and reinforced that abortion was our only option. He would accept no other choice but abortion. His intense intimidation factored strongly into my reluctantly entering a place that would change my life forever.

If society labels me a murderer for my abortion decision, then the young man who bullied me into that clinic deserves the same title. He was certainly an accessory to our child’s death which means he deserves the same punishment.

Had this young man gallantly proposed when he learned of our unexpected pregnancy, I would have been spared the emotional, biological, spiritual, physical and psychological trauma that nearly ruined my life.

As I hobbled out of the building after my abortion, my boyfriend met me at the door. Deep anger overwhelmed me when I saw his face. I could never respect or love him again. 

Abortion is not the glue that keeps people together but a lightning bolt of horror that often forever separates the involved hearts. If you are still with the individual who fathered your aborted child, then God is all over your relationship because it is very rare.

My consuming anger towards the father of my baby overwhelmed me for years as well as my blaming my mother. It was unhealthy and sinful at many levels because I wasn’t dragged into that clinic or thrown in a maternity home. After over 25 years in the public eye talking about our abortion, this man has yet to offer me any remorse for his actions. Yet forgiving him was very necessary to discovering God’s blessed healing. The same was true with my mother.

God’s idea of forgiving is not:

  • Excusing them for their actions.
  • Forgetting what they did to us.
  • Understanding why they did what they did.
  • Trusting them again because trust must be earned.
  • Approving how they treated us.

The key in forgiving abortion enablers is that God wants us to stop holding them accountable for their sins against us. He wants us to let HIM hold them accountable instead. Romans 14:10 NIV states, We will all stand before God’s judgment seat. 

Scripture is filled with other mandates on forgiving those who wronged us. These include:

God isn’t asking us to say that the impact of these abortion enablers doesn’t matter. If you were lied to, misinformed, intimidated and even abused, it matters.

All the negative aspects of your abortion decision are known to God. It’s simply time to let these individuals off your heart’s “hook” and give that burden over to the Creator of the Universe for eventual punishment. As you forgive them, God will remove the vengeful spirit that can consume you. He will then provide new insights of comfort.

There is no sin that God cannot forgive – or help you forgive.

Make a list of the abortion enablers related to this choice in your journal. List anyone who had a part, big or small, known or unknown. Explore your reasons for resenting them. Then pray through each name on the list, asking God to help you see them in a new light, and to forgive them. Turn them over to God for repayment of their debt to you.